At beginning of surah al-Nisa, Allah (swt) says, In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. “O people, keep your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single being and created its mate of the same (kind), and spread from these two many men and women. And keep your duty to Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship. Surely Allah is ever a Watcher over you.”(Nisa, 4:1)
There are many examples in Quran and in Sunnah about how to deal with family issues, how to keep good relations with our spouse, our own children, and close or distant family members.
Let’s acknowledge that we are not perfect and surely we will have issues with our spouse and our kids. It is important how to find solutions to these problems from beginning to end. Normally it is not difficult; but when our nafs (lower-self) gets involved, things may get more difficult than we think. The bottom line is: if we follow the correct guidelines, it will return as happiness and we will gain award in this worldly life and in the hereafter. What about if we act the opposite? We will definitely get an ugly picture and we will continue to be unhappy.
Surah Ar-Rum describes marriage and considers it as one of his signs in this universe.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Rum, 30:21)
Marriage is one of Allah’s bounty and great blessing upon us. Our prophet suggested the youth to marry, and stated if they can effort to marry, let them get married. Do not delay it.
There is a hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (5066) and Muslim (1400) from Ibn Mas‘ood, who said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), young men who had nothing of wealth. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
Nowadays, many Muslim young people try to avoid marriage. They do find so many excuses: I have no job, no money, and no house. I am still 27; let’s wait until I get 30-35!
However, Quran is dealing with this situation in a fascinating way. Since we all know and agree that Allah is ar-Razzaq. He will indeed provide our needs.
It is mentioned in surah an–Nur: “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” (Nur, 24:32)
Allah says that He will enrich us from his bounty inshaAllah.
Let’s think of a couple who wants to get married to avoid from sins and trying to build a good family in the way of Allah, but the boy does not have a job, good income etc. Because of their sincere intentions, Allah will increase his provision.
We all aware that a woman can be married for 4 priorities: Wealth, beauty, lineage or religious commitment. Indeed we are all aware that religious commitment is one of the core components of the marriage life. We are aware or we should be aware that in order to succeed we should prefer a woman as our wife who is religiously committed. Think carefully, we are talking about a woman who will bring up our child, look after us and our families when her husband is not around. She is not only going to be our life partner; but also we want someone who will be with us in the hereafter.
We can read and try to understand our prophet (pbuh) about his marriage life. He even taught us how to be a romantic person. For example, if you give a spoon of food to your wife, it is counted as charity. If you put a food on the table for your children, it is counted benevolence (sadaqa). Even our sexual desires are counted as good deed keeping us away from adultery and illicit relationships and saving us from hellfire.
Whenever marriage is based on lack of trust, fear, and competition, then we are going to face various and difficult problems. But in sharia (Islamic law) everything is underlined. As man and woman we need to know our duties and responsibilities. Our families are so valuable. We need to look after each other and must always remember that our children and spouses are the gates to the heaven.
We need to bring up our beloved ones, our children in a most appropriate way. What is this appropriate way? It is, indeed, Quran and Sunnah. If Allah allows us to show them the right path, they are the ones who will remember us and make dua (prayer) for us after we die. Even in their every prayer, when they read Quran, make Umrah or Hajj, we as their parents will get the benefit inshaAllah.
So please let’s think very carefully about bringing up our children. We hear our friends or some family members say that “I will make huge investment on my children’s education; I will send them to a private college, university etc. I will buy them this and that!!” Well these investments are not guaranteed to save their future and their hereafter. What we do not realize is that the best investment is righteousness, honesty. Telling them fairy tales (lies) is not. So please always tell them the truth and treat them equally. Teach them about Allah, teach them their our prophet Muhammed (pbuh) teach them Islam. This is the biggest and the greatest investment that you can do in their life.
O Allah! Show us the right path. O Allah! Guide us with Quran and Sunnah.
O Allah! Grant us tranquillity from our spouses and our children, comfort our eyes and hearts with their happiness.